


Grow As We Go

by nickwritesstuff



Category: Be More Chill - Iconis/Tracz, Dear Evan Hansen - Pasek & Paul/Levenson
Genre: Bisexual Evan Hansen, Boys In Love, College, Crushes, Drinking, Enemies to Friends, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Evan Hansen Deserves Happiness, Eventual Romance, First Dates, First Kiss, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, Friendship, Happy Ending, Insecure Jared Kleinman, Jared Kleinman Is Bad at Feelings, M/M, Pining, Post-Canon, Roommates, Slow Build, Slow Burn, Wingman Michael Mell
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-09
Updated: 2020-07-22
Packaged: 2021-03-04 04:20:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 13,555
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24627679
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nickwritesstuff/pseuds/nickwritesstuff
Summary: Evan Hansen is a regular 20-year-old man who just lost a job. To keep his apartment, he searches for flatmates, while hoping to forget the past. He should realize the past isn't easy to forget.(Title by Ben Platt)
Relationships: Evan Hansen & Michael Mell, Evan Hansen & Zoe Murphy, Evan Hansen/Jared Kleinman
Comments: 37
Kudos: 81





	1. Flatmate Hunt

Evan was as normal as he could get. Well, other than some minor facts in his life: that his dad left when he was young, he tried to kill himself, then lied for so long the entire country knew about it. Totally normal 20-year-old man. Of course, he couldn't write this on his profile. 

The text in the empty info box was staring at him, as if it was mocking him. "Write something about yourself..." How are you going to meet new people if you can't even think of one interesting thing about you? He sighed, and closed the laptop. 

When his mom sent him the site where broke college kids were searching for even more broke flatmates, it seemed like a good idea. Evan knew he had to find someone to live with, he couldn't deal with the rent alone for much longer. Not since he'd been fired from the office anyways. He mentally thanked his past self that he saved some money just in case something like this happened.

He picked up his phone, and pressed the only name he knew that could make him less worried about life, and just hang out. Zoe immediately answered.

"Sup," her voice rang in Evan's ear. It was quiet, but that was due to Evan's old phone. It's not like he needed some amazing smartphone. Not like he had money for one either.

"Hey, wanna come over?" Evan asked as he stood up from the bed, and carefully placed his laptop on his desk. "Life sucks, I'm hopeless and almost homeless, but we could get pizza or something."

"Sure thing," Zoe said. Evan could hear the smile in her voice. "I'm in the neighborhood, give me like five minutes."

Evan nodded, even though Zoe couldn't see it, and she hung up already anyways. A quick scan around the small living room is all Evan needed to calm his nerves. Everything was in order.

He had been doing better since high school. By doing better, he meant he could keep up a conversation without worrying about how sweaty his palms are. He got some new meds, a new therapist, and he worked hard to be normal. Well, a bit more normal. He knew he could never be the traditional American man, but he wanted to be as close to be one as possible.

The sharp ringing yanked him out of his thoughts. Zoe was faster than usual, and she was always fast. Evan made his way to the door, pressed the button that opened the gate downstairs, and waited. Only a few seconds later, there was a knock on the door, and Zoe's voice filled the apartment.

"Let me in, I got you food," she said, and laughed when Evan opened the door in record speed. "Chinese?" Evan knew better than to ask her how did she know he wanted some Chinese takeaway. She had a sick sixth sense.

"How much was it?" he asked instead, mentally searching for his wallet. He probably left it in his pocket... Or maybe backpack? No, it was definitely on the nightstand. 

"Shut up, it's on me," Zoe rolled her eyes dramatically, and threw the bag's contents on the "coffee table". It was really just a long box he put there as a joke, and it kinda stayed there. Evan would lie if he said it wasn't useful when he had Zoe over. He'd say "when he had friends over", but it was just Zoe. He had no idea how did they got to this point after all the shit Evan had done, but she was there, grinning as she took some rice, leaving the fried noodles for Evan. 

"Thanks," he said as he sat down on the couch, and motioned towards it to get Zoe to finally sit down. He succeeded. 

"So, how's the flatmate search going?" Zoe asked after she swallowed her rice. Evan tensed. "So not good? Was the site your mom sent shitty?"

Evan shook his head no. "I just can't finish my profile." Zoe shot him a look that was both disapproving and sympathetic, and pushed him slightly.

"Well, what are you waiting for? Get me the laptop," she said with a smile. Evan didn't have to think twice why did he like her in high school. That smile lit up the whole room. Evan shook his head with a smirk, and finally stood up. The perks of having a small apartment with three rooms (plus the bathroom) is that you can get your laptop in less than ten seconds. Evan counted. 

Zoe opened it as soon as she took it from Evan's hands, and started typing. Evan watched in awe as his profile filled up with phrases like "I'd prefer a flatmate who accepts LGBT+", and "I promise I won't bother you if you wanna get drunk in your room". Zoe smirked as she handed the laptop back for Evan to press the save button. And it was out.

"Thank you," Evan said. He could see Zoe nod, but they were both more focused on the screen, where a list of possible flatmates could be seen with pictures, names, ages... Zoe grabbed Evan's hand, making him stop scrolling.

"What about him?" she pointed at a guy with a gay flag as his background. He was grinning on his picture, and Evan immediately clicked to see his profile.

"Michael, 21," he read out, even though Zoe could see it too. "So older than me."

"You're not looking for a boyfriend, why does age matter?" Zoe rolled her eyes, and shoved Evan playfully. "He seems cool. Look, he likes videogames, he's learning programming..."

"So a computer whizz," Evan said with a forced smile. Zoe bit her lip.

"He's not him," she said sympathetically, gently squeezing Evan's shoulder.

"I know."

There was quiet for a minute, but then Evan pressed the message button.

"Are you sure?" 

Evan just shrugged at Zoe's question. "I have to get over him. It's been years."

"I just don't want you to hurt yourself in the process," Zoe said as Evan sent a short message to Michael, 21.


	2. Michael, 21

After Zoe left, Evan opened his laptop again, just to see if Michael messaged him back. He couldn't give a good explanation on why he wanted him to be his flatmate, he just did. Sometimes, when Evan turned off his brain, he had a sick sixth sense, and he felt like he had to get Michael in this apartment.

Not like that. Yes, Evan was a raging bisexual, but his last relationship lasted for a month, and it was a year ago anyways. He just accepted there was nobody he'd ever see himself with. He and Zoe always joked about how they're the two types of bisexuals: the one who could get anyone, and the one who's just on stand-bi. Evan smiled at the memory as he opened the browser, and his smile grew. There was a new message.

**Michael:** _Heyhey, yeah, my flag /is/ pretty damn cool. So I'm guessing you're LGBT? Or in the plus? Cause I get major bi vibes, no offense._

Evan snorted, and typed out a reply.

**You:** _wow, you're good. yeah, i'm bi, no offense taken._

Michael immediately wrote back, and it went on for hours. At around two in the morning, Evan asked Michael if he wanted to check out the apartment. Normally, he would've been anxious, but he felt at ease. Michael was easy to talk to, he laughed at Evan's lame jokes, and he was full of sarcasm. Also, he said yes.

The next day was a blur. Evan went to class, almost fell asleep, noted that two hours of sleeping isn't enough to understand basic science behind living organisms, and went back to the apartment. After two cups of coffee, he quickly vacuumed the room that was not in use, and sat on the bed.

His first flatmate was also his last girlfriend. They moved in as friends, and after months, they became a thing, so the room became abandoned. Then, she decided his anxiety was "just too much to handle", and that she "wanted someone who'd look out for her, not the other way around". Zoe said she was toxic, but Evan still felt guilty.

He tried to banish the bad memories from his head. The room was painfully empty, just like Evan, but at least it wasn't a mess. Like... Evan. He looked at his phone. He kind of expected Zoe to call him at this point, but then again, she was probably also busy. 

Evan told Michael to come over after five, so he'd had enough time to make the apartment presentable. It was nearly five, everything was clean, and Evan's anxiety was through the roof. Just like in high school. He chuckled nervously, and started pacing around the living room until he heard someone ring the bell downstairs.

"Hey, it's Michael, I'm looking for Evan," a voice said through the intercom. Evan's shoulders finally dropped, feeling the tension leave his body. Michael sounded as nice as he imagined. He pressed the button to open the gate. About a minute later, there was a knock on the door before Evan opened the door.

He wasn't expecting Michael to be this tall and objectively handsome. He reached for a handshake before inviting Michael inside. 

"Nice place," Michael said with a warm smile. "And it's close to the college I study at."

Evan smiled back. "Yeah, it's pretty much perfect," he laughed. "So this is the living room, slash kitchen."

Evan let Michael look at the room. The couch was clean, with a few decorative pillows on it that Evan got from Zoe when he moved in. The iconic box made Michael chuckle, but he didn't say a word. On the other side of the room, there were a few counters, a fridge, and a stove. 

"There's also a coffee machine in my room, just in case that's a deciding factor," Evan said, making Michael laugh.

"You're getting really close to be perfect," he said as he followed Evan to a small corridor with three doors.

"This one's the bathroom," Evan opened the one closest to him. "Pretty basic, just a shower, hope that's okay."

Michael nodded. "Yeah, I'm not into bathtubs."

"Cool. That's my room," Evan pointed at the door next to the bathroom. "Nothing interesting there. And that would be yours."

Michael opened the third door, and stepped into the room. Evan still felt a weird feeling when he also looked in. It just looked wrong without all the pictures and posters. 

"It has potential," Michael said after he sat on the bed. "How much would it be?"

It's been weeks by the time Michael fully moved in. He brought his stuff over when Evan was in class so he wasn't bothering him, even though Evan insisted he wanted to help.

"I got too many friends who wanted to help already," Michael said every time Evan brought it up. 

Evan loved seeing the flat slowly fill up with things. It was only small stuff at first, magnets on the fridge - Bob Marley's face, a magnet from Miami -, then a new pillow next to the others that fit almost too perfect, finally, Michael's name next to Evan's on the bell. Evan didn't want to admit it, not even to himself, but he was lonely before Michael. Now, it was as if the whole apartment came alive, full of life and happiness.

Michael was a great flatmate. He was quiet at night, and got ready in the morning in record speed. If it weren't for the noises the shower made, Evan would've slept through it every time. 

When they were both home, a rare occasion, really, they watched movies on Evan's old laptop. To his surprise, Michael had a pretty decent taste in movies, if we look past the horror movies. Michael absolutely loved horror movies. Also dramas and comedies. 

Michael's friends were chill. He invited two of them over after asking Evan if it was okay. Evan said yes, obviously. He'd lie if he said he wasn't scared when the bell rang, but Michael introduced his friends immediately. The short girl was Christine, and the slightly taller, but still fairly short guy was Jeremy. 

Evan and Jeremy hit it off right away. They had similar experiences with anxiety, they both liked action movies, and video games. Jeremy told Evan he should go over to his flat, to play some retro games.

Christine was possibly the nicest person Evan has ever met. She was like a ball of sunshine with a contagious smile. They didn't have much in common, but somehow, she still managed to talk to Evan for almost half an hour about nothing. Around her, Evan felt at ease, like his anxiety... Well, it wasn't gone, but it hid in the back of his head, as if it didn't want to come out. 

Evan introduced Zoe to Michael a week later. They were the perfect platonic match. Both of them used sarcasm as a second language (or third, in Michael's case). It made Evan thoroughly uncomfortable, but he was happy to see they were getting along so well. It was almost too perfect. 

One day, Evan went home a bit earlier than usual. Michael mentioned he'd have one of his friends over (not Jeremy or Christine), but Evan didn't really care. He was tired, and he just wanted to sleep. He didn't even care about the noise when he finally closed the door after himself. 

He wanted to just go to his room and fall into his bed, but Michael's door was open, and Evan felt the need to at least say hello. It'd be awkward if he didn't, he reasoned with himself. So that was why he stopped in front of the door, and after a quick knock on the doorframe, he poked his head in.

Tiredness left his body the moment he looked into those familiar blue-brown eyes he hadn't seen since high school ended.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ah gee, I wonder who could that be 🤔  
> Feed me with comments and kudos if you liked this chapter! Love y'all ❤️


	3. Words From The Past

Michael looked at Evan, then Jared, then Evan again. Before he had a chance to ask anything, Jared stood up abruptly, and walked past Evan without any eye contact. 

Thoughts were racing in Evan's head. Should he say hello? Should he grab his arm and make him stay? Why would he? Because he wanted to. Because he didn't even realize how much he missed this idiot. By the time he processed the situation, all he could hear was the front door closing.

"So," Michael said suddenly, making Evan flinch, "what was that about?"

"I didn't know you knew him," Evan said, suddenly feeling light-headed. Michael must've noticed it, because he stood up, and carefully led Evan to the bed, making him sit down.

"Take your time," he said, more quietly this time. Evan appreciated it. They sat like that for who knows how long, before Evan finally sighed.

"We used to be friends," he started. Michael nodded, and didn't take his eyes off of him. "Back in high school. Well, more like family friends."

"What does that mean?" Michael laughed softly, as if he was still scared Evan would spiral. To be honest, Evan himself was scared of that too.

"Our moms were friends," he continued. "So we acted like friends too. Because of our moms."

He had to take a few deep breaths. It was so long ago, and now, it was like ripping off a bandaid. No, more like yanking off a cast when your arm isn't healed yet. 

"I always waited for him to change, you know."

"How come?" Michael asked, shifting in his seat. Evan wasn't sure if he was uncomfortable or simply invested in the story.

"Before high school, we were best friends. He was my only friend, actually," Evan shrugged. "He was just so... Different. Like he went from the sweetest person alive to this asshole by high school."

Michael seemed oddly quiet. Evan shot him a questioning look, but decided not to investigate further. Michael will tell him if he wants to, he was sure of it.

"That was also when I kind of started discovering different sexualities, so that didn't help either," he continued instead. "But I was still hoping. And then... Then I became the asshole when we were around sixteen or seventeen."

"Do you wanna tell me about it?" Michael found his voice. Evan had no idea. It felt good to get it off of his chest, but he was also scared Michael would judge him. In the end, he nodded.

"There was a misunderstanding, and I decided to go along with it. Well, more like Jared told me to," Evan said, furrowing his brows. "And I did. And in the end, I kind of... Treated Jared terribly. I made him feel like he was worthless. Like he was me."

He didn't notice he started shaking, only when Michael reached over, and slowly took his hand. "It's okay. I won't invite him over again if you-"

"No," Evan interrupted him without thinking. "No, I don't want you to not be able to hang with him. It's fine."

Michael looked sceptical, but nodded. "Would it be easier if I invited Jeremy and Christine next time he came over? Maybe it'll be less awkward, and then you can talk about it."

To this, Evan perked up. "No, he doesn't wanna talk, haven't you seen him? He barely even looked at me, he hates me."

"So apologize," Michael rolled his eyes. "Come on, dude. We had something like that happen with Jeremy, but we talked our feelings out, cried a little, and look at us now."

"Did it also last four years?" Evan asked with a bittersweet smile. To Michael's silence, he just laughed. "Thought so."

"I still think you should talk to him."

The thing is, Evan knew Michael was right. He knew Jared deserved an apology, and a chance to explain everything. Man, Jared deserved so much more. He shook himself violently. We're not going there.

"You okay?" Michael looked amused. Evan just shrugged it off. It's been years, Hansen, pull yourself together. "Why do I feel like you're not telling me something?"

"He may or may not have been my bisexual awakening," Evan blurted out. Damn, it felt good to finally say it out loud, like an elephant just jumped off of his chest. "I kinda guessed that's why he was a jerk, cause he noticed, but he doesn't seem like the type to be homophobic. What?" he looked up to see Michael let out a hearty laugh.

"Dude, he's gayer than me," he said between laughing fits. "He ain't homophobic."

Evan let his eyes widen at that. Jared? The same Jared who "got to third base" with girls in camp? Jared "look at those boobs" Kleinman?

"You don't believe me, do you?" Michael looked amused. "He told me he was in denial when he was in high school, made up all this stuff so nobody would know. Of course, some guys somehow got the vibe, and started bullying him."

Evan was dumbfounded. "I had no idea."

"Well, you know him," Michael smiled sadly at that. "He'd never show people he was hurting. The only reason I know is that he's an emotional drunk."

"Did he tell you anything else?" Evan noticed he'd been fidgeting with the hem of his shirt for a while. He forcefully stopped his hands. "About high school?"

"Just some stuff," Michael shrugged. "That he had a guy friend he cut off because people thought they were together, got into some shit, but who hasn't," he laughed absentmindedly. "That's it. We don't talk much about the past."

"I see," Evan said. A friend, huh. He had some ideas who that guy could've been, but he didn't want to jump to conclusions. He had no idea Jared had bullies, so why couldn't he had other friends as well? Not like Jared told Evan anything important. He had to learn from his mom that Jared's parents filed the divorce. 

"So, you still don't wanna see him?" Michael smirked, as if he knew exactly what Evan was going to say. The silent look from him seemed enough for Michael, cause he already pulled his phone out. "Next week. Hope you don't have any exams."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh, look, something is finally happening.


	4. Escape

"Just for the record," Jared said with his arms crossed, "I'm only here because of Michael."

"Good, me too," Evan rolled his eyes. Look, he was ready to talk and hear Jared out, until the moment said asshole set a foot in the apartment. He looked at Evan for a second before rolling his eyes, and sitting down on the couch, pulling Jeremy with him. As if he was scared Evan would sit next to him. 

"Well," Christine spoke up from between Jeremy and Evan, "this is awkward."

"Come on, guys," Michael turned away from the countertops, balancing a tray of shots. "This'll help, let's put on some music."

Jared immediately pulled his phone out, and started playing a song Evan was unfamiliar with. The problem was the volume.

"You do know we have neighbors, right?" Evan raised his voice, to which Jared groaned.

"Is this some poor people problem I'm too normal to understand?" 

Jeremy gasped, and Michael facepalmed. Only Christine was fast enough to reach over, turn the volume a bit down, and finally slap Jared gently. "Happy vibes," she reminded everyone with a forced smile. "Michael, can I get a shot? Thank you."

"Yeah, I can't do this sober either," Jeremy raised a hand, waiting for Michael to give him a shot glass. Instead, Michael just placed the tray on the box in front of them, and sat on the armrest of the sofa next to Jared. 

The alcohol did help. After a few rounds, they started talking more freely, even though Jared still didn't look at Evan for too long. 

"This was a bad idea," Michael said the next day. Evan nodded.

"Yeah, the drinks cost us a lot, and I still haven't found a job-"

"What? No, not about that," Michael leaned back on the couch. "You didn't even talk to Jared normally."

"Well duh, he's still an ass," Evan rolled his eyes as he leaned down to get his shoe off. He should start thinking about classes before he does stupid things, like staying up all night, or drinking. 

"But then how will I have this great feeling of accomplishment?" Michael yawned. "How would you feel about a little... Friend date?"

"I don't like the sound of that," Evan sat down next to Michael, who just laughed.

"I found this escape room," he started, but Evan already put his hand up.

"I really hate the sound of that."

Evan knew he was right the moment he saw Jared in front of the escape room's building on the street. He was on his phone, his other hand in his pocket, and he looked like he was ready to end his life with a single piece of grass. 

"Hey," he stopped near him. It made Jared look up from his phone, and roll his eyes.

"I was hoping you'd get lost," he said, and without waiting for a response that Evan wasn't ready for anyway, he headed inside. 

By the time they were in the actual room, Evan would've been ready to jump out of a window, if there were any. The room was just a standard escape room, bookshelves, a desk, and a few cupboards. Jared immediately headed to the desk, and started opening the drawers.

"Will you actually do something, or do I leave you here?" he looked up with an annoyed expression. Evan shook his head, and stood in front of the nearest bookshelf. He had watched enough videos the day before to know what he was looking for. A green book caught his eyes, so he pulled it out. He grinned as he opened it, and a piece of paper fell out.

"You think that's important?" he held it up. Upon closer inspection, he noticed five numbers written on it. Jared looked up again, and took the paper with a sigh.

"You think a paper with a code is important in an escape room?" he said as he rolled his eyes dramatically. "Put it in the safe."

"What safe?" Evan furrowed his brows. He looked around, there was no safe in plain sight.

"It's obviously for a safe, therefore there has to be one in here," Jared said. "So find it."

Evan did find it after about ten minutes of awkward silence. It wasn't a safe after all, but a door behind a bookshelf. After he put in the code, he waved Jared over, and they stepped inside to find a box with a hole on the side, wire coat hanger next to it, and some keys inside. 

"We can only take out one," Evan noticed. All of the keys were glued to the wire holding them, except one.

"No shit, Sherlock," Jared said, but this time, he didn't roll his eyes. Evan could've sworn he was smiling, but it was hard to see in the semi dark room. "Got it," he said after a few minutes of quiet cussing. Evan smirked, and let Jared out of the room first. 

He followed Jared to the desk, where there was a small chest. Evan didn't know when did Jared find it, but hey, the key fit. Inside, there was a box that looked like the Japanese puzzle box Evan's mom got him for his last birthday. 

"What the fuck is this?" Jared held it up with a frown. Evan would've looked at Jared's confused expression all day, but instead, he just took the box, and started moving the individual pieces. It took him half a year to open his own one at home, and by the time he did it, he saw one too much tutorials on them. 

"Here," Evan said as he slid open the last part, revealing another key. This one was small, like it belonged to a door.

"How did you... Nevermind," Jared backed out the last moment. Evan sighed, and gave the key to Jared.

"Make yourself useful, will you?" he smirked, and pushed Jared towards the door that stood between them and freedom. Jared just unlocked the door without a word, and finally stepped outside. "Well, that was easy."

"You two were just a good team," the girl at the reception said with a smile. She pointed towards a screen that showed the room they were in, and a small timer that stopped at 42 minutes. "Most teams need about an hour, sometimes even more."

"I genuinely can't decide if your job is exciting or boring," Evan smiled at her. She was pretty with long, purple hair that complimented her dark skin nicely, and a figure similar to Christine's, only a bit more curvy.

"Me neither," she laughed. "Today was exciting. You were great with the puzzle box, I don't think I've seen anyone solve it that fast without help."

"I had time learning it," Evan stepped closer to hear the girl better. "My mother gave one to me last year."

"Ah, so you're an intellectual," she said with a playful smirk. "Then you shouldn't have any problems with this." With that, she handed Evan a piece of paper with ten numbers on it, and a name. Lillian. 

"Gotta go," Jared spoke up, making Evan and Lillian flinch. "I have a date. Tell Michael I was nice to you."

And he left. Evan felt a little empty as he stared after him, but he quickly looked back at Lillian. 

"Thank you for today," he smiled, and Lillian smiled back. Evan couldn't pinpoint why wasn't he attracted to her, she was basically perfect. He sighed, and pocketed the phone number. 

"Talk to you later," Lillian smiled, and Evan smiled back. He didn't have the heart to tell her that they won't.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If anyone remembers Lillian, I might cry.


	5. It's All Just A Game (For You)

As soon as Michael closed the door behind himself, Evan shot up from the couch. Before he had a chance to talk, Michael grinned at him excitedly.

"So who's this mystery girl?" he flopped down next to Evan on the couch without kicking off his shoes. Evan laughed.

"Her name's Lillian," he said, pulling the piece of paper out of his pocket. The numbers on it were taunting him. "She's nice."

"Jared told me she wasn't even that pretty," Michael rolled his eyes. "You got a picture?"

Evan shook his head no. "She only gave me her first name and her phone number."

"So ask her for a pic, I wanna see her," Michael nudged him, but Evan only shook his head. 

"I haven't texted her yet," he said, ignoring Michael's gasp. "I don't know, I just don't think I like her."

"That's the point of talking to each other, dumbass."

For some reason, Evan knew Michael was gonna ask about Lillian. He also knew he wouldn't be able to answer if he asked why didn't Evan text her, and the conversation was getting closer and closer to that one question. He had one strategy left: changing the topic.

"Jared was still an ass, by the way," he said finally. "We barely talked, and when he did, he was insulting me."

"Okay, so you two need a place that's not silent, but you still have to be together," Michael leaned back, and stretched his arms across the back of the couch. Evan could see the moment he came up with an idea, his eyes literally lit up.

"No," Evan said before he even opened his mouth. "Jared will always hate me, dude."

"No, hear me out," Michael let go of the couch, and grabbed Evan's shoulders instead. "The arcade. I can get you unlimited cards if I flirt with Jonathan for a bit."

Ah, yeah. Evan almost forgot Michael actually had a job before he moved in. He huffed. 

"Jared loves the arcade," Michael started explaining. "Maybe if he's at a place he loves, he'll let his guards down."

"Or he'll leave me alone in the middle of the crowd," Evan nodded. "Sounds fun."

"Come on," Michael pleaded. "For me?"

Evan couldn't believe he agreed to this. It was kinda cold in front of the arcade, but he wanted to be there early, just in case Jared came sooner and decided to go inside or something. He pulled his jacket tighter around his body, letting out a breath that flew away in a small cloud. 

"What, you already froze?" Jared's voice rang loud and clear from behind him. He turned around, and let himself smile at the sight of Jared. He tried to look like he didn't want to be there, but the shine in his eyes told the truth. 

"Hello to you too," Evan said, and immediately moved towards the doors. He pulled it open, and waved for Jared to go in. "Ladies first."

"Joke's on you," Jared went in with a smirk, "you're still freezing and I'm warm now."

Evan laughed, and followed Jared inside. It was almost like back before high school, when they used to just joke around and laugh it off. 

It was really warm in the arcade. Evan couldn't decide if it was the games, the people, or just an excuse to pay for a random person to take care of their coats. They obviously left their jackets at the entrance, and went over to the counter where a guy was smiling. A quick glance at his name tag, and Evan realized this was the infamous Jonathan. 

"Hey, I'm Evan," he started, but Jonathan immediately stopped him.

"Ah yes, Mikey told me you were coming," he grinned. "Two cards, yes?"

"Exactly," Evan smiled back, and accepted the plastic cards. "Thank you so much."

"If you bring your friend next time without a shirt, you'll get them for free again," Jonathan winked while looking at Jared. Evan swallowed, and forced a smile.

"We're going in now, thank you," he managed to choke out, hopefully without revealing the unreasonable anger inside him. It definitely wasn't because he liked Jonathan, he wasn't anything special to look at, so why? He snapped out of it when he saw the consoles. He would've done pretty much anything just a few years ago to be there.

"Oh, Dance Dance Revolution," Jared's eyes lit up with excitement. Evan gulped, but followed him to the small crowd that was surrounding the machine. Two girls were on it, jumping around, moving their bodies to the beat, laughing loudly. They were good. Jared looked at him with excitement and maybe a little bit of guilt. "You up for it?"

Evan looked at the girls and the crowd again. If Jared asked him five years ago, he would've said no without a moment of hesitation, but now... He felt like he had to prove something to himself, and to Jared. That he had changed since high school, that he's braver now, or maybe that he's been going to therapy. So he nodded.

Next thing he knew, everyone was looking at them, and he was looking at the screen in front of him, and he was pretty sure Jared was looking at him too.

"Hey, chill," Jared said before swiping his card to start the countdown. "It's just a game."

When the music started, Evan let himself forget about the crowd. Now, it was just him, Jared, and this stupid game. The arrows started pouring, and they started moving, clumsily at first, then they started to warm up. Evan looked at Jared for a second, and he was laughing, throwing his hands all around the place, jumping up and down on the arrow buttons beneath his feet. He was beautiful. Evan missed the last step.

"Hey, I won," Jared yelled, still high on adrenaline as they scrambled off the machine. Evan laughed, and let Jared take his hand and pull him to another machine. And another one, and another one.

Michael smiled when Evan arrived back to the apartment later than intended. Michael told them to stay until at least five, but Evan stumbled back at eight.

"You look like you had fun," he said with a shit eating grin. Evan rolled his eyes, but couldn't stop smiling, instead, he just sat down next to Michael, and sighed.

"It was so cool," he said. "Like before high school. We just talked about nothing, and played a lot, and we danced, and agh."

"Are you always this articulate?" Michael snickered, but Evan didn't even find it annoying. He was just staring at the ceiling with a stupid smile he would've probably laughed at if he saw it, but thankfully, he didn't see it. "Geez, you look like you just had the best date ever."

To this, Evan's smile disappeared. "What?"

Michael's eyes widened, and so did his grin. Oh, no. "You like Jared? You still like him?"

"No?" Evan said, or rather, asked. He felt his face heat up in record time.

"Dude, that's so cool!" Michael yelled, and then realized they still had neighbors, so he continued more quietly. "You should totally-"

"I don't like Jared," Evan interrupted with a sigh. "We're barely even friends, okay? And even if we were friends, like real friends, he'd never trust me enough."

To that, Michael leaned back on the couch, and threw his legs into Evan's lap. "Sure, I believe you. I mean he's not even that big of a deal."

"What?" Evan looked up, his shame suddenly gone. "He's great, okay? Like when we were dancing, and he was laughing, he was beautiful. And then, we got some food after a few rounds of some shooting game, and he wanted to pay, and he got so serious, and... And he's generally a good person, right? And his looks is obviously superior to anyone on earth, like he might be the best looking person I know, no offense."

Michael was smiling again. "So if you could kiss him...?"

"I would," Evan said immediately, but then caught himself. "But that's just because I'm bi and desperate, not because I like him."

"So you'd kiss me?" Michael said suddenly. Evan's eyes widened in confusion. "I mean I'm objectively good-looking, at least that's what my friends tell me, and I'm gay. So if you'd just kiss someone even though you don't like them, you'd wanna make out with me, right?"

Evan slowly shook his head.

"And you've already called Lillian from the escape room, and totally didn't throw her number out, because apparently you're desperate," Michael continued without mercy. Without missing a beat, he continued. "And you didn't feel weird when Jonathan openly flirted with Jared in front of you, right? I mean you don't like him, so why would you be jealous?"

"How do you know about Jonathan?" Evan asked, desperately trying to find the only thing he could say without saying out loud the very thing that made his previous weeks a living hell. Michael nodded towards his phone.

"Jared told me. Also, Jonathan asked if you were together, cause you looked angry when he winked at Jared," he said. "So?"

Evan sighed. "I can't like him."

"Why not?"

"Because I don't deserve him," Evan blurted out. "Because he's great, and yes, he can be an asshole, but so can everyone, and when he's nice, he's also funny, and looks out for me, and- fuck."

"Here we go," Michael muttered to himself, removing his legs from Evan's lap, and pulling him into a hug. 

"I have feelings for him," he finally said it out loud. "I have feelings for Jared Kleinman."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This might be my favorite chapter yet. Also, it's the longest one, yaaay!!


	6. Rollercoaster

"I can't go on another friend date with him," Evan mumbled into Michael's hoodie. He had no idea for how long they stayed in the embrace, but to that, Michael released him.

"Wait, no, you have to!" he said with wide eyes. "What if he likes you back? You'll never know if you give up now."

"Would you be friends with someone you wanna kiss every time you see him?" Evan asked, and to that, Michael sighed.

"Yes, if it meant this was the only way I could keep him in my life," he pouted. "So? Amusement park? Please?"

"No, no, nonono, you're not gonna throw another _for me at_ me," Evan jumped up with his hands in the air. Michael smirked. "No."

"...for me?"

"I hate you."

The weather was nicer than a few days ago, when they went to the arcade. Evan was still wearing a jacket, but he almost regretted it as the sun started shining brighter. He leaned against the nearest tree, and pulled out his phone so he looked like he wasn't as pathetic. 

"I see you still like trees," Jared's laugh rang in his ear before he even appeared. Evan shook his head, and pushed himself away from the tree. Jared was standing a bit to the side, with a smile so wide it must've hurt. "You've been waiting for long?"

"No, I just got here," Evan said. Truth is, he'd been there for almost half an hour, but Jared didn't have to know that.

"Liar," Jared said, to Evan's surprise. "I'm the one who taught you how to lie, remember? Come on."

They got in fast enough. Michael could get them unlimited access to all rides (how much money did that guy get, seriously?), so they didn't have to worry about that.

"Oh, look at that bitch," Jared pointed at Evan's nightmare fuel, also known as a rollercoaster. 

"No way," he said immediately, making Jared laugh. Evan smiled softly. It was the laugh he grew up with, the one Jared rarely used around anyone other than Evan. 

"Okay," Jared wheezed out after he was done laughing. It took him an embarrassingly long time, but Evan would've lied if he said he didn't like it. "What do you wanna do then?"

And that's how they ended up next to each other in a bumper car, Evan yelling at Jared for being so slow, and kids yelling at each other, all trying to get the "grown-ups". 

"So that was fun," Jared smirked when they got out. "Is it my turn to choose?"

"Are you gonna make me get on the rollercoaster?" Evan asked with a smile, and Jared smiled back, shaking his head.

"How could you even believe I'd do something like that to you," he put one of his hands on his chest, and the other on his forehead. Evan just snorted, and looked at the rollercoaster. It was almost like it was taunting him. "Dude, chill, I'm not making you-"

"Well, I am," Evan interrupted, and boldly grabbed Jared's hand to pull him over to the line. 

"Damn, okay," Jared laughed kind of breathlessly. It made Evan feel... Things. "Who are you, and what have you done to Evan Hansen?" 

"Oh my God, shut up."

"No, really," Jared said, sounding serious all of a sudden. "You're not... Forcing yourself to, I don't know, impress me or something, right?"

Before Evan could answer, they were seated at the front of the cart, his left arm pressing against Jared's right.

"I'm not," he said, looking at Jared, who just looked back. Most people would've found it weird how intense Jared's stares are, but Evan just found it fascinating. Like they could just hold eye contact for hours and not get bored. Then, the cart started moving, and the immediate regret must've showed on Evan's face, because Jared grabbed his hand without a moment of hesitation.

"This was a terrible idea," Evan mumbled as the cart went higher and higher, agonizingly slowly.

"It was your idea," Jared chuckled, but still didn't let go of Evan's hand. Evan wondered if it was Jared's way to calm him, or to calm... Jared. 

"Yeah, well," Evan couldn't finish the sentence, because they dropped. Evan shut his eyes, and despite their hands being thrown all over the place, he was still holding Jared's hand, probably way too tight. But Jared still didn't let go. Evan would've appreciated the gesture if he weren't busy with yelling loud enough to make Jared laugh.

"So?" Jared grinned when the ride stopped, and they stumbled out of the cart. Evan just squeezed his eyes for a second, his brain just understanding he was on solid ground again.

"I," he started, "want cotton candy."

Jared let out a surprised laugh, but he didn't say anything. He just shrugged, and scanned the area for a stand, which was just a few yards away. Jared gestured towards a bench near them, indicating that Evan should sit down while Jared bought the food. Evan wasn't sure if cotton candy would count as food, but he didn't really care. 

"Here," Jared held a huge cone in front of his face. "Eat, you child."

"You're talking like you won't steal some," Evan grinned as he positioned his hand so they could both reach the sticky, fluffy goodness. After a couple of minutes, Jared looked up, and laughed.

"How did you get it in your hair?" he looked up at Evan, and Evan had just realized how close they were sitting now that the cotton candy between them was gone.

"Where?" he reached up to get the news out of his hair.

"On your left," Jared said softly. Evan moved his hand, earning a sigh. "The other left. No, a bit to the- ugh let me."

With that, Jared simply moved even closer, which seemed impossible and horribly unnecessary, but Evan wasn't complaining. And Jared's hand was in his hair, pulling the piece of cotton candy out, and he looked so serious, and Evan was so close he could see the small brown stripes in his eyes...

"Got it," he said loudly, leaning back with the tiniest piece of cotton candy in his hand. "Now you won't be attacked by bees. You're welcome."

Evan tried to smile, but it probably came out as a grimace, because Jared's smile was suddenly gone. Great.

"Hey, you okay?" he asked, and Evan felt his heart sink.

"What happened to us?"

The question stayed in the air around them for a minute, or for what seemed like one, before Jared shook his head.

"What do you mean?"

"You know what I mean," a sigh escaped Evan's lips. "We were used to be like this. Way before high school."

"Can we change the topic?" Jared tried, but for once, Evan didn't listen to him. 

"I want to know the reason, Jared. Why did you cut me out of your life?"

"Evan, seriously-"

"Was I not good enough for you?"

"Stop it."

"Just tell me why-"

"Because they knew," Jared snapped, making Evan stop. "They knew the truth, and they started spreading it, and I just... I wasn't ready."

"Who's they?" Evan furrowed his brows. He was speaking quietly, afraid Jared might break if he spoke too loud. "And what does this have to do with me?"

"You really are clueless, aren't you," Jared rather said than asked. "They knew I had feelings for you."

Before Evan could react, respond, or even open his mouth to stop Jared from leaving, he was gone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this was a late update, things have been...weird lately. I swear I'm writing these as quickly as I can! Love you all ❤️


	7. What Friends Are For

"Michael," Evan said as soon as he arrived home. Said Michael was in his room, but to that, he came out. "I fucked up."

"How? What happened?" he asked, holding up his phone. "All Jared messaged me was " _fuck you._ ". With a period. What have you two done?"

"Okay, but like it was fun," Evan started, probably talking faster than a rapper, "but then we went on a rollercoaster, and then we started talking, and he took cotton candy out of my hair, and I was like hey, why did you hate me?"

Michael didn't move for a few seconds, only blinked and stared. "Evan, no offense, but what the actual-"

"I know," he interrupted, burying his hands in his hair. "But I wanted to know, and the other option was to kiss him, cause he was really close, and that would've been even worse."

"What did he say though?"

Evan bit his lip. He knew the question was coming, and he knew Michael would probably take it the wrong way, but still. He didn't lie anymore. "That he was bullied because I was always with him. Like they knew he was gay, and they thought he liked me."

"That's why he cut you off?" Michael furrowed his brows. "I mean the amount of times people thought I was with Jeremy in junior year..."

"He said they were right," Evan interrupted. Michael froze. "He said he did have feelings for me."

"Well, fuck," Michael sighed. "How'd you take it?"

"What do you think? I cried," Evan admitted with a shrug. "I mean... I could've had a chance, you know. He did like me, and I was too focused on trying to be straight that I didn't even think about making a move on him."

Michael let out a soft noise that could've been a sad laugh, or just a huff, before he pulled Evan into a hug. "I'm sorry."

"It's not your fault," Evan mumbled, but Michael just shook his head.

"I still want to fix it."

That's how they ended up on the couch with Jeremy and Christine. Jeremy helped Christine bring a TV over ( _"It was about time, who the hell doesn't have a TV?"_ ), so now they were watching Shrek on it. Evan's head was on Christine's shoulder, and her arm was around him. It was weirdly comforting. 

Evan looked over at Jeremy and Michael, who were cuddling on the other end of the couch, Michael sometimes whispering something into Jeremy's ear, making him laugh. Evan sighed. He wanted that with Jared. He forced himself to look back at the movie, and let out a laugh when everyone else chuckled.

Soon enough, the movie ended, and Jeremy stood up to stretch his arms. Christine was asleep partly next to Evan, but partly on him. He didn't mind, he could've stayed like that for a while. It reminded him to the time when Zoe was staying over after breaking up with her boyfriend, only this time, it was Evan who was sad.

Speaking of Zoe, Evan's phone started buzzing in his pocket, making him jump, which caused Christine to wake up. Evan shot her an apologetic look before picking up his phone.

"Hey," Zoe's voice rang in his ear, making him smile instantly. "So I know it's late, well, not that late, but also it's been a while since we hung out and-"

"Zoe, get to the point," Evan said, earning a snort from Zoe.

"Okay, okay. I'm at the gate with a ridiculously big pizza, so if you're both up..." 

Zoe didn't need to finish, Evan was already looking at Michael, who nodded, and stood up to let Zoe in. Evan found it funny they didn't even try to hide that he was listening.

"Hey guys," Zoe grinned when she entered the flat with an indeed huge pizza box. "Help?"

Jeremy jumped up, and took the box. Zoe grinned.

"Thanks, and you are...?"

"Oh," Jeremy blushed for a moment. Evan did a bad job of hiding his smile behind his hand. Yeah, Zoe had this effect on people. "I'm Jeremy, and that's Christine over there, both of us are friends of Michael."

"Nice to meet you both," Zoe said as she quickly hugged Michael and Evan. She stuck out a hand towards Christine, who smiled and shook it. "So you're also in the rainbow family?"

To this, Evan finally let out a laugh. He knew Zoe, and he knew she'd ask this, but he guessed it would be a bit more discreet. Ah, who was he trying to fool, it was Zoe Murphy they were talking about. Luckily, Christine laughed it off.

"Yes, but I don't like labels," she explained. "I guess I'd be bi, but I don't understand why do people label everything. Let's just all live as Sims."

Zoe's eyes widened before a smile spread across her face. "I like this one."

"Pizza is cut," Jeremy spoke up, maneuvering the box onto the carton table. Zoe looked at the others.

"None of you are vegan or something, right?" she asked. "Cause then we can order something else-"

"Nah, we're meat eaters," Jeremy said with a mouthful of pizza. 

"Bet you are," Zoe snickered, making the whole room laugh. "So, what's going on?"

Michael snorted. "What's not going on when this guy's around?" he grinned, ruffling Evan's hair playfully.

"Fair enough," Zoe bit into a piece of pizza. "So, spill the tea, my life is far too boring."

They talked for hours. Evan filled Zoe in on the Jared drama ( _"You were hanging out with Jared and didn't even tell me?"_ ), then they switched the topic to school. Evan found out Christine was learning to become a teacher, and Jeremy was working in a flower shop in the mall nearby. He also said they're actually hiring, so Evan saved the phone number Jeremy gave him. Speaking of numbers, they all shared their own.

Months ago, before Michael moved in, Evan never would've guessed he'd find himself in a situation like this. Just chilling in his apartment with people who came over just because they wanted to hang out. Friends. Evan smiled, and pulled Zoe closer into a half hug.

"You okay?" she asked quietly as Jeremy and Christine kept arguing about some musical Evan didn't know, and Michael was laughing at them.

"Never been better," Evan looked at her, and looking into her eyes, he knew he wasn't lying.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> H e y  
> Uhh long time no see, huh  
> Sorry about the break, it was hard to write this specific chapter for some reason. Hope you'll still like it, and shoutout for everyone who can keep up with my non-existent schedule (looking at you, putyourpantson) 💝 seriously love you all, and see you hopefully soon!


	8. Almost There

Evan called Jeremy's boss the next day, and they arranged a quick interview. Thankfully, not many people knew about the job, so he only had to be better than a girl neither of them knew. It was mainly Jeremy's constant nagging that caused his boss to choose Evan, and he was more than grateful. 

Work was surprisingly fun. Most of the time, he was working when Jeremy was busy, but sometimes, they were working together. After a week, Evan was almost as good as arranging the flowers as Jeremy. This new job also helped with his awkwardness around strangers, since he had no choice but to greet them with a smile. 

After a while, he has gotten used to it. He didn't go home after his morning class, but to the mall to start his shift. It helped distract him from Jared. Sometimes, Evan imagined Jared would come to the store. He'd just walk in with his phone in his hand, desperately trying to look nonchalant, and then he'd look up and say something like...

"Hey."

Oh shit, this wasn't a daydream. Evan shook himself out of it.

"What are you doing here?" he asked immediately. Fuck, he didn't mean to sound like a jerk, but Jared just laughed.

"Is that how you greet customers?" he asked back, but Evan only glared back. It's been what, two weeks since the amusement park accident, and Jared just decided to waltz back into his life after the radio silence? Why? 

"Anyways," Jared continued, "how do you say something like _"sorry for leaving you on a bench, but you're still a jerk"_ with flowers?"

"Did Michael make you come here?" Evan asked, purposefully ignoring the question. Jared just shrugged.

"He talked to me, but I came here on my own."

"For what, exactly?" Evan sighed, and looked at Jared in the eyes. Jared seemed to be a bit taken back, and Evan almost felt sorry for him. Almost.

"To offer you dinner," Jared grinned. Evan only raised a brow, to which Jared shook his head. "I mean there's a restaurant I know, and Michael mentioned he had no ideas for a new friend date thing, and I wanted to apologize anyway."

Evan let surprise creep onto his face, which made Jared chuckle. He rolled his eyes. "When?"

"Tomorrow at 5PM?" Jared leaned on the counter separating the two. "Hope you have a suit."

"Of course I have a suit," Evan rolled his eyes. "Address?"

"I'll pick you up," Jared said, and left the store. Evan smiled in disbelief before getting his phone and dialed the familiar number.

"Zoe, I need a favor."

Two hours later, he was holding three different suits Zoe gave him.

"Go, try them on," she tapped her foot against the surprisingly clean floor of the store. "I have a good feeling about the red one."

"You also had a good feeling about the blue one, and the green one, and the white one..." Evan smirked, making Zoe laugh and shove him into one of the changing rooms.

"We get it, you're a little shit," she said from the doorway. "Now put them on." 

With that, the door closed, and Evan was staring at three different suits. Look, he wasn't back to lying. He was just... Scared of Jared's reaction if he knew Evan in fact owned exactly one suit, and he wore that for his graduation party, and that was also the last time Jared saw him before all this. He just wanted to make a lasting impression, so sue him.

He chose the infamous red one first. It was easier to start with Zoe's favorite so she'd realize it was hideous, like the white suit she swore would be the one, yet Evan looked like a ghost in it. This one felt different though. It was a nice material, not too thick, but still seemed to be quality, not just some suit they found in a secondhand shop. Evan smiled lightly as he put it on. It was actually his size.

"You ready yet?" Zoe banged on the door, and Evan just opened it. He saw Zoe's jaw drop. "Damn, if you weren't my best friend and in love with your ex best friend, I'd totally make out with you."

"I think that was a compliment," Evan laughed, ignoring the whole in love part. "So, you think this is the one?"

"Bitch, I know," Zoe said, her eyes still wide, but she was starting to smile. "If Jared doesn't confess his undying love for you tomorrow, he's either blind or straight."

The blood rushed to Evan's face. "Shut up," he said half-heartedly as he lightly shoved Zoe. "I'm gonna get out of this."

"Aw, you should totally walk home in it, we'd get so much free stuff," Zoe said as she closed the door behind Evan, for the last time that day.

"Hey," Michael looked over his shoulder when Evan finally arrived home. "Jared said you guys talked."

"Yeah," Evan threw his bag with the suit onto the couch. "What's that smell?"

"Spaghetti," Michael nodded towards a pot full of pasta. Evan's eyes lit up.

"Is there an award for best roommate, or do I have to make one?" he grinned as he pulled a bowl out of the cabinet.

"The latter. What'd you buy?"

Evan shrugged. "Just a suit for tomorrow."

"What's tomorrow?" Michael's eyebrows shot up before he finished washing the dishes, and grabbed himself a serving as well. "Jared didn't tell me shit. Is it a dick appointment?"

"Oh my god," Evan buried his face in his hand that wasn't holding his bowl. "We're going to have dinner at some fancy place with some fancy suits and probably fancy steak."

"You don't seem to look forward to it," Michael made a face. Evan scoffed. "So why'd you say yes?"

"You already know it," Evan laughed with no humor. "Because it's Jared. I'd go to the fucking Moon for the fucker. Or worse, a Starbucks."

"A Starbucks?" Michael snickered, making Evan laugh as well.

"There's too many sizes, okay?" he tried to explain, but eventually, they just broke down laughing over their spaghetti. 

The next day went by in a blur, and before Evan knew, it was almost 5PM, and he was sitting on the beat up couch in his new suit, just waiting. Michael grinned when he saw him in the suit, and Evan was starting to think he did look good in it. Then, Jared was there.

After the bell rang, Evan said goodbye to Michael, grabbed his wallet and phone, and went downstairs to meet his "date". His breath hitched. He didn't think Jared would look this good in a suit. 

He was just standing there with an odd smile, looking back at Evan, whose jaw was basically on the floor. Jared looked so... Different. He was wearing a dark suit with a black shirt, and his eyes were shining, and fuck Evan wasn't ready for this.

"Are you ready, or do you wanna admire me a bit more?" he asked, brutally ending the moment. "We could take a picture, or-"

"Just shut up," Evan rolled his eyes with a smile. "Let's go."

To Evan's surprise, Jared didn't bring them to the center of the city. When he looked out of the car about half an hour of banter later, he saw a lake.

"Are you going to murder me, cause then thank God I wore a red suit," Evan tried to joke and figure out their destination at the same time. Jared snorted, but he looked nervous.

"Nah, then I wouldn't have told Michael you were gonna be with me," he said, looking at Evan for a split second before shifting his focus back to the road. "We're almost there."

After a short while, Jared slowed the car down. "Okay, I'll need you to close your eyes."

"What?" Evan laughed in disbelief, but Jared looked serious. "I'm not closing my eyes."

"Just close your eyes."

"I'm not closing-"

"Please?"

Ah, fuck. "Fine," Evan gave in with a sigh, closing his eyes. "Happy?"

"Yes," Jared said, and although Evan couldn't see, he knew he was smiling. "Now keep them closed, and let's go."

Jared opened the door for Evan, and held his hand to lead the way after some shuffling. He probably got something out of the backseat. But Evan was strong, so he didn't look. Jared grabbed his hand again, surprisingly gently, and lead him across the dirt road. They were now walking on something soft, probably grass. The air around them was chill, but comfortable. 

"Okay, now wait," Jared said suddenly after they stopped. Evan laughed again, but still kept his eyes closed. The warmth that was Jared disappeared from next to him, and then there was a small flicker of light. Then another, and another. 

"What on earth are you doing?" he asked after the sixth flash of light, causing Jared to stop.

"You're still not peeking?"

"No."

"Okay, you can now," he said, and Evan finally opened his eyes, and holy shit. 

Holy. Shit.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> :)  
> I know deep down you love me, otherwise you wouldn't be here. Right?  
> Right??


	9. Feelings And Shit

Evan couldn't believe his eyes.

Jared placed a typical red and white blanket onto the grass, next to a huge tree. The lake was kinda near too, but not near enough for them to get eaten by mosquitoes. On the blanket, there was a basket, two plates, and plastic cups. Around it, but a safe distance away, a few candles, flickering in the sunset. Evan's heart skipped a beat as he looked at Jared.

"What's this?" he choked out, afraid to talk too much and ruin the magic surrounding them.

"Dinner," Jared responded simply, gesturing towards the blanket. "Wanna sit?"

Jared packed stuff like salads, fries, and fried chicken. Then, he pulled out a bottle of wine.

"I know you didn't used to like alcohol," he started, pouring the wine into one of the plastic cups, "but I also know you used to love this one."

It was true, Evan could only drink red wine back in high school. Jared even got the brand right, it was the one his mother always got him when they had some money, and wanted to celebrate birthdays or graduation. So he accepted the cup Jared was holding out for him to take.

The wine helped the mood. Soon enough, they started laughing as they ate, quoting each other from the past.

"I swear I remember," Jared wheezed mid-sentence.

"It did not happen," Evan replied as he threw a fry at his head. "You dreamed it."

"So there's no photographic evidence of you wearing pajama pants to school?" Jared's grin was positively evil as he dodged the fry. Evan rolled his eyes dramatically, making him laugh. 

"I asked my mom to delete them from Facebook, so no."

"Bold of you to assume I didn't save them," Jared laughed again, pouring some more wine for himself. 

"Damn, saving photos of me as a child? Okay weirdo," Evan joked, making Jared laugh enough to spill some of his wine. Then, Jared looked up into Evan's eyes, and Evan looked back, and it felt like a mutual understanding. "Is it time to talk?"

"We've been talking for an hour," Jared tried, but looking at Evan, he just shrugged. "Yeah, I guess so."

"Will you leave me here too? Cause I really don't know where the fuck we are," Evan said, playfully pushing Jared's shoulder, making him laugh again, then he sighed. "Let's get something out of the way first."

Jared looked down at his hands, but then back to Evan. "Yeah?"

"Is this a joke?" 

The question seemed to hang in the air for a few moments, possibly minutes. It felt like hours. Evan didn't dare to look at Jared, so he kept his eyes locked on his hand, which was grabbing the blanket beneath them like his life depended on it. Then, Jared's hand covered his.

"You know damn well it's not," he said, and even though the words could've been harsh, his voice was quiet, and... _Honest_. Evan finally looked up.

"What'd Michael tell you?"

"That you were pretty upset after the amusement park," Jared mumbled, slowly letting go of Evan's hand. Evan had to keep himself back from reaching over, to not let the contact go. "And he said I should do something big to- ugh. To let you know how I really feel. About you. Still."

By the end, Jared's eyes were closed, and he brought his knees up to his chest, arms wrapped tightly around himself. It was Evan's turn to hold his hand, so he did. It made Jared jump slightly, but he didn't move away. To Evan's surprise, Jared smiled slightly. It was like a sign that it was okay, so Evan grinned.

"Are you actually gonna say it out loud, or will we just play charades?" he asked, and enjoyed the confusion, then embarrassed smile on Jared's face. "Just so you know, I expect a speech, and maybe some roses."

"Oh my god, shut up," Jared finally laughed out loud. It was the best sound ever in Evan's humble opinion. "Marc Evan Hansen-"

"Never call me that."

"-I'm really fucking gay for you, especially in this suit, which I made you wear just to see you in one," Jared continued without missing a beat. "So would you mind saying something, or are you just gonna keep blushing?"

"Fuck you," Evan laughed as he moved a bit closer to Jared, still holding his hand tightly. "Jared Eugene Kleinman..."

"That's not my middle name, and you know it," Jared interrupted, and despite his efforts, Evan let out a snicker before placing his free hand on Jared's cheek, wiping the smirk off his face immediately.

"I'm very fucking bi for you," he said with a soft smile, and it seemed like it was Jared's turn to blush. "Have been since high school."

"Wait, high school?" Jared's eyes widened. "We could've been dating for years?"

Evan let out a surprised chuckle. "Is that what we're doing?"

"I mean..." Jared panicked, but before he could say anything stupid, Evan pulled him closer. "Well, fuck."

"What?"

"You're beautiful," Jared said with wide eyes. Evan felt like he was watching himself from the outside, and he felt his heartbeat grow quicker as he ever so slightly leaned in, now only half an inch separating their lips. It was Jared who closed the distance, and Evan was pretty sure his brain just turned off.

Jared's lips were so soft.

And his hands were all over his face, and in his hair, and-

And then Evan buried his own hand in Jared's hair, pulling him even closer until it was impossible to be closer to each other, and then Jared broke the kiss, but Evan didn't open his eyes yet - when did he close them? 

"You okay?" Jared asked, and Evan couldn't see him, but he knew he was smiling, that smile he loved so much. That smile was worth opening his eyes for.

"Never been better," he said, pulling Jared back for another kiss. Then, he frowned. "Is it raining?"

"Ah fuck," Jared squinted at the sky, which earned him a raindrop in the middle of his forehead. "That could be bad. Let's go."

The moment they stood up, like the sky was waiting for it, it started raining like crazy. Evan pulled his shoulders up, and helped Jared fold the blanket, and threw the remains of their picnic into the basket before racing back to the car. 

By the time Jared stopped in front of Evan's apartment, it was even worse. They looked at each other and burst out laughing once again.

"Anyways," Jared spoke up, resting his head on the wheel, looking at Evan in a way that made him feel butterflies in his stomach. "Wanna come over tomorrow?"

"Why do I feel like you have some hidden plans," Evan said rather than asked. 

"I would never," Jared stood up straight (heh) and placed a hand on his chest dramatically. "I'm a gentleman, Hansen."

Evan grinned. "It's hot when you say my last name."

"So will you come over, or what?" Jared tried to steer the conversation back to his first question, but even in the semi dark car, Evan could see how pink his cheeks were, and he was smiling while avoiding eye contact.

"Will you pick me up?" Evan asked instead of simply answering the question. Jared just nodded, and pulled Evan into their last kiss of the night. 

"I'll be here at noon."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Y'all I'm sorry, but I love this chapter so much holy shit 😭🤧


	10. Happy Birthday

Evan knew Jared's family wasn't exactly poor, but when Jared said they should spend the day in his house, Evan wasn't expecting an actual house with a garden. His surprise must've showed on his face, cause Jared let an embarrassed smile spread across his face.

"My father wants a way back to my life," he answered the unsaid question. "He got me this, and sends money every month. Bad news, I have to meet him every two weeks."

Evan put a hand on Jared's shoulder as the latter fiddled with his keys. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah," Jared looked up. "I mean I just got an amazing boyfriend, who cares about father drama?"

Evan laughed sadly, and followed Jared inside. The door opened to reveal a small hall with shoes and coats on the side, and an arch he had only seen in The Sims. 

"Jesus fuck," Jared yelled after going through the arch and looking to the right. Evan followed after he kicked off his shoes, just to see a short guy on a surprisingly beat up couch. "Didn't know you were home."

"Bitch, if you whine to me all night about that guy," he pointed at Evan, "then I get to meet him."

With that, he jumped off the couch, and stretched his arm out for a handshake. Evan hesitantly took it. "I have a feeling you already know my name," he said awkwardly, making the guy laugh.

"Yeah, it's pretty obvious. I'm Rich," he said with a smile. 

"He's the reason I know Michael," Jared added. "This idiot was almost homeless and he always hung out near the school, so I decided to be the nice person I am-"

"You told me you were sick of my sad ass face," Rich interrupted. "He's actually a jerk, why the hell would you even like him?"

They all knew Rich was joking, so they laughed, but Evan still snaked an arm around Jared's shoulders, pulling him closer. Jared smiled at Evan, and cleared his throat.

"We'll uh, go to my room," he said, already moving towards some doors across the living room, pulling Evan with him.

"Don't have sex until I'm gone," Rich yelled after them, but he got cut off as Jared slammed his bedroom door behind them.

"Sorry about him," he said with a half-smile. "I swear he can be fun."

"Oh, I think he was fun," Evan laughed before looking around the room. It was light and surprisingly clean, considering how chaotic Jared could be. There was a king-sized bed in the corner, with a dresser next to it, and a desk with a closet on the other side of the room. Evan gasped when he looked closer and discovered an old picture of him and Jared in a frame on the desk.

"I can't believe you still have this," he picked it up, smiling. Jared was already next to him, but to Evan's surprise, he wasn't acting ashamed this time. 

"That day was good," he said instead as he curled an arm around Evan's waist, looking at the picture in his hand. Evan looked back at it too.

His ten year old self was grinning in his favorite blue shorts, hugging Jared, who was holding a cone with cotton candy bigger than his head. Of course Evan remembered that day. Jared's mom took them to the zoo, and a giraffe licked Jared's hand. Evan chuckled at the memory, his own copy of the picture seemed heavy in his wallet.

"So?" Jared spoke up again. "How do you like the house?"

"It's pretty damn cool," Evan smiled back. "I mean who has a full ass house at 21?"

Jared grinned, and took the picture out of Evan's hand to place it back to its original place. "Good, cause I was thinking we could celebrate your birthday here."

Evan's jaw dropped. "My birthday?"

"Uh yeah?" Jared seemed confused, and maybe even a bit embarrassed. "It's next week. Did you forget?"

"No, of course not," Evan shook his head, still in disbelief. "I just didn't think you'd still remember."

To that, Jared laughed. "Dude, we celebrated your birthday every year growing up, if I had to list all the celebrations, I'd say your birthday before New Year's Eve."

"First of all, don't call me dude when I want to kiss you," Evan stepped closer. "And... Thank you. For offering the place, and for remembering."

"Does this mean I get two kisses?" Jared grinned.

He got a lot more than just two.

A week later, Evan woke up at midnight when Michael kicked in his door.

"Happy birthday, bitch," he said with a positively evil smile. Evan just groaned.

"We literally live together, couldn't you wait until the morning?"

"Nah, I wanted to be faster than Jared," Michael said. "Did I do it?"

Evan reached for his phone to see the time. 00:01. There was a "happy almost-birthday, handsome" message from Jared at 11:59, making Evan laugh. He showed the screen to Michael, who scoffed.

"Okay, that's literally not fair," he said, making Evan let out a tired chuckle. "Alright, I'll let you sleep now. The party starts at seven."

"I know," Evan yawned. "Goodnight. And thanks."

In the morning - well, Evan called it morning, it was noon in Michael's opinion, but what does he know anyway, - he called his mom back so she could scream over the phone too, not just in a text. And oh boy, she did. Most of Evan's friends sent him midnight texts, but as he scrolled through, he caught a name that made his heart skip.

**Unknown Number:** _Happy birthday, Evan. Now that you're an adult, would you want to hang out sometime? - Alana Beck_

"Michael," Evan spoke up, his voice shaky with emotions. God, he missed Alana so much. She was always there for Evan when he needed her, and she was the second person he apologized to, after Zoe, of course. Still, after graduation, the texting gradually stopped.

"Yeah?" Michael looked up from the pancakes he insisted on making, saying it's a tradition in his household, ask Jeremy. Evan smiled carefully.

"A friend from high school just texted me."

"Ooh, is it- ugh what's her name..." Michael made a face, trying to concentrate. "Come on, Zoe said it like a million times. Something with A."

"Alana," Evan said after a bit of silence. Michael snapped, like that's it. "Yeah, it's her. She wants to hang out sometime."

"Why don't you invite her to the party?" Michael asked. "The more the merrier. Plus, then I'd have a reason to invite my friends."

"You already have a reason," Evan pointed out. "You said they'll bring booze, fun, and drama."

"And drama," Michael repeated with a wide grin. "But yeah, you should totally invite..."

"Alana," Evan helped out. 

Michael was probably right. Both Zoe and Jared had a good relationship with Alana before she moved across the country to study law. To be sure though, he asked Jared through a quick text. As expected, he immediately said yes, and acted hurt because _"how dare you think I wouldn't want to see Alana, you bitch"_. So Evan texted her, and after about an hour or so, she said yes. 

"Hey, our ride is here," Michael poked his head into Evan's room in the evening. Evan stood up from his bed, and swiped the non-existent dust off his shirt before turning the lights off, and following Michael outside. "Keys," Michael said before throwing Evan's keys at him. "Just in case you wanna stay there longer."

"I'm not gonna have sex with Jared, Jesus Christ," Evan rolled his eyes, making Michael laugh. Of course he'd laugh, son of a bitch.

"Hey, birthday boy," Jared grinned from behind the wheel. Evan sat next to him and kissed him briefly, just so Michael wouldn't feel weird. See, he was nice.

"Oh wow, Jared, it's so good to see you too," Michael yelled sarcastically from the backseat. "Let's go, I think I left some vodka at your place last time."

"Yeah, Rich drank it," Jared said nonchalantly. Michael's head hit the back of Evan's seat.

By the time they arrived, a few cars were parking in front of the house, and even though the music wasn't loud, Evan could hear it from the street. Then, they went inside.

Rich was behind a counter, probably making cocktails for two girls in front of him. Michael's eyes lit up, and lead Evan and Jared there. The girls both smiled when they saw them.

"Hi, I'm Brooke," the taller one waved awkwardly. "You must be Evan, right? Gosh, I heard so much about you already! Jared won't ever shut up about how cool you are."

Evan laughed at the same time as Jared groaned, and shook Brooke's hand with a nod. "Nice to meet you."

"I'm Jenna," the shorter girl said with a wide smile. "Do you want a drink? Rich said he'd make you one, but then everyone wanted one too, and now he's our bartender."

"I'm not a bartender," Rich tried to object, but the intimidation factor went down significantly as he poured Brooke a rainbow drink. "There."

"I'm sure you see what was wrong with this scene," Jared laughed. "Will you make me a Sex on the Beach?"

"Do I look like I have oranges?" Rich deadpanned, but he still turned around to get the ingredients.

"Hey, Jake!" Michael yelled suddenly, catching Evan's attention. Jake was even taller than Michael, and he had the warmest smile ever. "That's Evan."

"Hey man, happy birthday," Jake pat Evan's shoulder. Evan mumbled a thanks before Jared pushed a tall glass into his hand.

"Your first legal drink," he said, smiling excitedly. They laughed, and Evan took a sip of the cocktail. It was... Good. Excellent, actually, but it's not like he was going to tell Rich that. The guy had enough ego already.

"Hey, where's Chloe?" Jared looked at Jake, who just shrugged.

"She tried to escape, but you know how work is. She told me to tell you to have a good birthday though," he said, looking at Evan.

The rest of the night was fun. Rich was giving Evan and the others drinks every few minutes, Jake had the best songs on his playlist, and the girls were just dancing in the middle of the living room. Michael and Jeremy were sitting on the couch that they moved to the side of the room so they wouldn't bother anyone.

Jared was with Evan the whole time. He said it was because they were together now, but Evan had a feeling it was so he could watch if Evan got overwhelmed by the party. He appreciated that.

Alana arrived with Zoe a bit after Evan's first drink. Both Evan and Jared ran up to them, and hugged Alana tightly.

"Happy birthday," she smiled. "Sorry for disappearing."

"It's okay, just don't do it again," Evan laughed. He filled her in on the events of the past few weeks, including his new relationship with Jared. Alana only smiled, and muttered something that suspiciously sounded like "it was about time".

A couple of drinks later, Evan and Jared sat down next to Michael, who was waiting for Jeremy on the couch.

"How's your party?" Michael asked, and Evan nodded with a grin.

"Fucking amazing."

"Good," Michael responded, still looking for Jeremy. 

"How long have you two been together, by the way?" Evan asked, the drinks he had making him stop thinking before every question. Huh, maybe he should drink more. Michael looked back at him, and he kind of heard Jared either snort or choke next to him. "What?"

"We're not- I'm- he's-" Michael tried and failed to form a legitimate sentence. 

"They're not together yet," Jared saved him, and Evan gasped.

"Wait, no way," he said, looking at Jared, and Michael, and back at Jared. "They were like couple goals, and they're not even a couple?"

Michael was suspiciously quiet as Jared wheezed. "Someone wants them to be a couple though," he said with a smirk just before Jeremy arrived back to the couch.

"Hey guys, what's up?" he asked, not noticing Michael's beet red face. Evan had a lightbulb moment, and offered a smirk for Jared before he turned to Jeremy.

"We were just talking about this new romantic movie," he said. "We had two tickets, but we can't go."

It wasn't a lie, they really had two tickets. Thankfully, Jared immediately joined.

"Yeah, I forgot about it, so we're going to the zoo that day," he said pretty damn convincingly. Jeremy nodded slowly, not getting what they were implying.

"Anyways, we could give you two the tickets so they don't go to waste," Evan continued. Michael looked at him in a way that normally would've intimidated him, but this time, he was determined. Thankfully, Jeremy smiled.

"Hey, that sounds fun," he said. "Micah, what do you say?"

"...sure," Michael mumbled, still trying to murder Evan with his eyes. Then, when Jeremy wasn't paying attention to them, he leaned closer to Evan. "What is this?" he whispered, to which Evan only grinned before saying one word that caused Michael's eyes to widen.

"Revenge."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AAAAH  
> IT'S OVER  
> A A A A A H


End file.
